I’m a screwed up failure.

I don’t really understand why I feel like this right now. But then looking back at everything I’ve done so far, it’s not really great. I’m not usually the type of person to care about anything like this, so this feeling is really new to me.

Lately I’ve been feeling like I’ve been failing at everything. Even these things that are impossible to fail. I REALLY don’t understand anything at this moment. I’m seriously just like “What the fuck?” right now. I feel like I’m just passing by, and throwing things away when they would really matter the world to someone else. Someone who might never get anything that I have. When the time comes and I get my results, I know I won’t be happy. Neither will my family. They’re really not that supportive at all, so I’m facing this all on my own.

Everything I got back so far wasn’t as good as I thought they’d be. While I was going through them, I felt really good and confident about it. Then when I got some back, BOOM. One big smack in the face for me. Woooo. Then again, when I look back at everything, I can’t help but think, “what the hell was I doing/thinking back then?”.

Right now I’m planning on actually doing shit and doing it right. It’s a new year, after all. But then the only challenge is, getting the support I’m gonna need to get through these last few months. I know I can’t count on my family, and they’re just gonna bring me down. They won’t believe in me. They know I’m just gonna fail again. So what’s the point in trying? I guess all I wanna do now is prove them wrong. I know I can do this. At least I hope I can. I’m better than this.

I can’t believe I’m actually ranting about school like this on Tumblr. I guess I just needed to let this all out so I can get some sleep tonight.

WOW, I just got the most random text message from the least expected person ever. This is great. Thanks for the jokes, dude. They really helped. HAHAHAHAHA.

Oh, and by the way I’m not really failing anything. Just barely passing, and going below my average potential. I seriously know I can do better, I just don’t understand how this is all happening.

I feel lost. I’m losing it. I blanked out. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? :(